Cocktails & Conversations.
“Measure of a Man”
“As opposed to other societies, African men have to be
strong no matter the situation. For instance, I never saw my father cry...but
that doesn't mean that he never had challenges. He just had to suck it up and
appear strong. Maybe it's because of their spouses. How would you feel if your
man started crying in every tricky situation? Would you be okay with it? Or
what would you think of your father when you saw him crying often? Would he
still be your Hero?”
This is what one of my
friends said when I asked him, how do you measure a man. Weird question to ask,
right? How did I come up with that question? Well, this was the topic of
discussion during the last Cocktails & Conversations event that was held at
Wings, Westfield Mall, Gitanga Road on 7th March. When I saw the poster, the
question intrigued me. I had lunch plans with my friend on that day at Hob
House (read the review ) and I suggested we pass by for cocktails of course
and also just listen to how the conversation goes. I was not so impressed with
the cocktails at Wings (and if I am being honest most restaurants in Nairobi
are a disappointment when it comes to cocktails, well apart from Art Café at
the Oval and News Café at Sarit) but the conversation going on was riveting. It
was after this that I decided to ask my friends and acquaintances what they
thought “Measured a man”.
Some thought that a man
is measured by his ability to take care of his responsibilities.
Responsibilities, in this case, were his wife and kids, his parents and
siblings and himself. Of course, the order of importance varies but what stood
out is the fact that most people put “take care of himself” last. Others
thought that a man is measured by his goals and objectives in life and his
financial maturity. Other metrics used to measure a man were his values,
principles, and beliefs. One unique response that I got was that a man is
measured by his relationship with God and another one was his ability to endure
the pressures and pains of life mostly in silence. I also got responses such as
wealth, family status and social influence as metrics to measure a man.
Here is what I know for
a fact, just like the question “what is success?” there is no right or wrong
answer to the question “how do you measure a man”. What stood out for me though
was the fact that most responses I got were that we measure our men by how educated
they are, their ability to take care of their responsibilities, their wealth
and social status. Very few of us measure men by their ability to take care of
themselves; physically, mentally and emotionally and not in a selfish and
narcissistic kind of way. There all these expectations of what a man should be
in a society that we forget they are human and have mental and emotional needs
just as we women have. From the movie, Measure of a man (which is based on a
book), the character Dr. Khan played by Donald Sutherland says “The measure of
a man is his ability to navigate to a proper shore during the worst of a storm”.
How do I, as Susan,
measure a man? I think a man is measured by his ability to take care of himself
first. Ever heard of the quote you cannot pour from an empty cup? I am from the
school of thought that believes that if we take care of ourselves first and
love ourselves, then we learn how to take care of other people in our lives.
You cannot give what you do not have. If a man takes care of himself first then
there is a greater chance for him to take care of those around him and his
responsibilities. I also measure a man by his ability to provide and protect
and this is keeping in mind that a woman can do the same. Such a man is more
likely to view the woman in his life as an equal. In this day and age that is
what most of us are looking for, equals. How do you measure a man?
The event was
thought-provoking, fun and interesting. At some point, my friend regretted the
fact that she had not invited her boyfriend. There was a game at the end where
the Dj played songs and guys were meant to guess the title of the song and the
artist. This game reminded me of Beat Shazam, a show hosted by Jamie Foxx, just
harder lol. You could easily tell how old guys were by the songs they got. It
made me realize that I know music but I barely know the titles and artists.
From the battle of the
genders to the ex-factor, some of the different topics that have been discussed
in different editions of Cocktails & Conversations, it is always
enthralling to listen to strangers’ views and opinions about things. Would I go
for other Cocktails and Conversations events? Definitely yes. I regret not
going for those that happened before.
